Dear girl with 12 absenses in my shakespeare class,
I feel kinda bad, seeing as how semester you've been utterly unable to rustle up an entire pair of pants or an adequately-sized t-shirt. So I got together with the rest of the class, and we sponsored a trip for you to the good will, where certainly you should be able to find a reasonably priced shirt that is larger than a 4 year old child, and pants without a hole in the ass. I'm confused, however, how you manage to afford all those holes in your face?
yours, sincerely concerned,
the girl who is tired of seeing the back of your thong and your midriff.